Last Updated on 12/1/2008

Published on 8/25/2008

By Sallie M. Parker

Q. Dear Sallie,

My best friend told me his wife never received a thank you note for a party they gave for my son's impending wedding. He was concerned that maybe they had done something wrong. I know for a fact that my wife wrote and sent a thank you note. What should we do?

Horry Fide, Georgetown, S.C.

A. Dear Horry,

Get your wife to call your friend's wife immediately to apologize and tell her how much she appreciates her husband's honesty in sharing this information. Then she can assure the wife she sent a thank you note because you and she were so grateful for what they did for your family.

Sincerely,

Sallie

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Q. Dear Sallie,

When someone requests you to violate what is proper manners, what do you do? In other words, if an older person asks me not to call her "ma'am," should I do what she says, or do what my mom taught me and call her ma'am anyway?

W. W., Asheville, N.C.

A. Dear W,

You are lucky to have parents who taught you enough about manners for you to know to be concerned. In this case, consideration for a person's feelings overrides the rules. Don't call her ma'am.

Sincerely,

Sallie

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Q. Dear Sallie,

My best friend asked me to be her baby's godmother, which I was thrilled about. Unfortunately, I could not attend the christening because I live several hours away and have a sick mother in the hospital. I sent the baby a very expensive, engraved silver cup for a gift. That was three months ago and I have not heard a word from my friend. I'm worried it never got there. Would it be rude to ask her?

Janice, Ft. Lauderdale, Fla.

A. Dear Janice,

It's the smart thing to do. If it didn't, you can track it. If it did, she'll feel like the ungrateful "ahem" that she is.

Sincerely,

Sallie

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To send a question to Sallie, e-mail her at Salliemid@aol.com. Copyright © 2008 Sallie Middleton Parker. All rights reserved.