I guess you could say me and Mel have a backward kind of relationship, backward in the old fashion way that is. Every morning she gets up, turns the coffee maker on, that I fixed the night before, and gets ready for work.
Me, I’m still in the bed. Now before you get the idea I’m being lazy, that’s not it, she likes it that way. That’s her time, it’s quiet, she can sit there with her coffee, and she doesn’t have to talk to anybody for a few minutes.
We all need that few minutes, to get our thoughts together for the day. Then as she is getting dressed, and as I’m lying there, two thoughts usually run through her head: I’d like to snatch those covers off of him, or either she would like to get two pots and pans and beat them together right above my head.
Can you feel the love? Now don’t get me wrong, she doesn’t want me to get up or anything, in fact she and the girls have made it perfectly clear I’m supposed to lay right there and stay out of their way, it’s just the principle of the thing.
What got me to thinking about this was a lady I talked to the other day who is going through the same thing, getting used to her husband being around the house all the time.
And if you think it’s hard for them, you ought to look at it from our side of things. Here we had for so many years gotten up to go to work, and now the only clock we punch is on the coffee maker.
To be honest, I’d never done much housework when we were growing up. Mom just did it, and well that was it. And like most guys when we got married, well, we just thought our wives would do the same thing.
That’s the way we were raised, so like most guys, there really wasn’t any reason to change something that worked. Oh sure every now and then I would wash the dishes, and then I had to make sure I told her I washed the dishes. And she would smile, but in her eyes I could see her saying to her self, “What’s your point.”
So when they put me out to pasture, and I could finally get around a little, I said to myself, “There isn’t any reason you can’t do something besides wait on Mel to get home to do something. Do it yourself.” Besides I used to run all kinds of heavy equipment, a washing machine, that aint nothing. Just throw them in, and fire that bad boy up.
What’s that noise, and why is the washing machine in the middle of the floor bouncing around like that? So I called Mel, “Is something wrong with the washing machine? It’s in the middle of the floor raising cain.” All she said, I’ve got too much in it, wait till I get home.” After I got it stopped I didn’t have the heart to call her back and ask her why my T-shirts were pink.
Then there was the dish washer. I loaded it up, but couldn’t find any dish washer soap, but hey there’s the Dawn. Let’s see, these two cups say fill to line, I’m good to go. Five minutes later there are soap bubbles going every where. “Hey Mel is there something wrong with the dish washer, its gone fool.” And again she said, “Wait till I get home.”
Then there was the vacuum cleaner. Hey I used to unload log trucks, this aint nothing, where is the on button on this bad boy? Did you know a Barbie shoe sounds like a hammer in a washing machine when you suck it up in a vacuum machine? And if you accidentally, and I mean accidentally, touch the sleeve of a sweater with the vacuum, it’s going to take you thirty minutes to get it out of the beater bar.
By this time I’ve half figured out the washing machine, now how do I crank up the dryer? Aren’t all clothes made out of cotton, gentle cycle, yeah that sounds good, I’ve done just about tore up everything else, let’s go with gentle cycle. Why are these jeans still soaking wet an hour later?
Well Mel finally made it home, though I wouldn’t have blamed her if she had headed to Florida, and I got some cross training in housework. And now these few years later, she knows when she walks out the door I’ll get up, and start all over again. And when she walks in the house she can sit down like I used to, because everything’s pretty well done and suppers cooked. But then tomorrow morning, it’s all she can do,
Not to grab those pots and pans.
Robbin Bruce can be reached at email@example.com.
Opinions that appear on this page in Letters to the Editor or in columns do not necessarily reflect the opinions of this newspaper.
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