Life is full of problems, blessings. Which do you focus on?
Last Updated on 12/1/2008
Published on 8/24/2008
By John Brock
Most of humanity is bombarded daily with problems - some small, some huge. But, mostly little ones. Many folks spend too much time sulking about small nuisances - usually ones over which they have little or no control.
I choose to maximize the positive things in life and have a little fun while I am about it. I find humor a panacea for much of what ails you. Not the kind of humor that brings grief to others but the humor that laughs at yourself or society. The only time I poke a little fun at specific individuals is when they are pompous politicians or self-righteous folks who take themselves much too seriously.
I have also found that whenever someone greets you with the age-old formality, "How are you?" they don't really mean it. It's just a greeting. Most of the time they don't want to hear your problems and pay little attention when you tell them. Family and close friends are usually exceptions. I generally handle the greeting with this reply:
"I'm doing a lot better than I deserve!"
This response normally brings a little surprise to the interrogator and he doesn't know exactly how to respond. But it does capture his attention. It will start a conversation in most cases.
Other times, I reply, "Oh, I am much, MUCH better." When I say this you can see the mind-wheels turning as they question themselves silently: "Have I missed something? Has he been sick, etc.?" It, too, initiates many friendly conversations.
There are other occasions in which you can have a little fun. For instance, whenever I have an appointment with a new dental hygienist and as she tells me to "open wide", I ask the question, "Do you rinse off those instruments between patients?" This always starts an interesting and reassuring conversation about the steps taken to guarantee sanitary dental office conditions.
If you want to stop things cold in a place of business or a government office, walk boldly in and announce that you want to speak with the "Complaint Department. Everybody freezes as you witness the fast turn of eyes from your own sweet face toward their fellow workers. Everyone wants to dodge responsibility. But ask for the "Compliment Department" and you might be showered with attention as they vie for credit.
One of the funniest reactions I have ever received from a prank was when I went into the dressing room in a large department store. When I saw the feet of a clerk walk by, I announced loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!"
Oft times, I will wish a clerk or someone with whom I am dealing, "Happy Birthday!" The usual response is, 'It's not my birthday." But in the one in 365 cases when I have hit the nail upon the head, you would be surprised at how curious they are that I knew it was their birthday. Even when it's not their birthday many friendly conversations ensue.
I always look at the name tag of the person with whom I am dealing and call them by name. Perhaps there is something to that old expression, "nothing is as sweet as the sound of one's own name." It has made me many friends through the years.
Ordinarily, I don't believe in lying. The one exception is that I don't hesitate for one moment to stretch the truth when dealing with crooks. Whenever we leave town for a few days, I always leave a message on the answering machine regarding how callers can get in touch with us in an emergency. But I add, "Perchance you are a burglar looking for an easy mark, here is a message from our German Shepherd, 'Killer'" I, then, record my most vicious dog growl and bark. It's worked so far.
Which brings to mind something I read on the Internet recently about how to install a Southern home security system:
1) Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2) Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine and a couple of empty shotgun shells.
3) Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4) Leave a note on your door that reads:
Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim:
I went for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Any way, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside. Signed, "Cooter."
I bet that works.
In conclusion, why don't we resolve to quit dwelling on the little problems in life and celebrate the blessings with those around you. Laugh a little. Live a lot!
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John Brock is a resident of Georgetown County and can be reached by mail at this newspaper or by e-mail: brock@johnbrock.com. His website is: www.SouthernObserver.com.
