If you are thinking about getting into the wacky world of politics, take this 10-question quiz to see if you meet the criteria for this prestigious career.
Score along these lines:
each answer a = 1 point
each answer b = 2 points
each answer c = 3 points
each answer d = 4 points
If you score close to the maximum of 40 points, you may just have what it takes to be a true politician.
1. Which of your previous experiences best qualifies you to be a politician?
a. lawyer
b. child of a former governor
c. college football coach
d. 5-year legal battle defending previous corruption charges
2. What makes you think you could be an effective politician?
a. I am well liked and people value my wise counsel.
b. I would have a smart secretary to do most of the important stuff
c. I know the Fifth Amendment by heart
d. As a former Wall Street titan, I am used to tampering with facts
3. When campaigning, how can people be certain you are a serious candidate?
a. I will only make promises that are possible to keep
b. I will promise never to be ambivalent on important issues, but then again, I might
c. I will try to be photographed kissing lots of babies
d. I will try not to be photographed kissing lots of babes
4. What makes you a better candidate than the current member in your district?
a. He is ineffective
b. He is incontinent
c. He has a longer criminal record than mine.
d. He associates with persons of questionable character, has poor judgment, and is my brother-in-law
5. Why would you never accept a bribe?
a. It is morally wrong to do so
b. It would not be tax deductible
c. Too easy to trace
d. I would
6. What is your view on term limits? Politicians should serve ....
a. Only one, four-year term
b. No more than two consecutive terms
c. Until the end of their first year in office, or impeachment; whichever comes first
d. As long as they can still be wheeled onto the chamber floor
7. Who do you see as a true American role model?
a. Farmer, Old McDonald
b. Donald Duck
c. Ronald McDonald
d. Rosie O’Donnell
8. When you hear the word “graft,” you immediately think about
a. A medical procedure used by plastic surgeons
b. Powerful unions
c. A former women’s world champion tennis player
d. A way to finance a second home in Martha’s Vineyard
9. If you could adopt one feature or characteristic from a prominent political figure, what would it be?
a. Barack Obama’s smile
b. Sarah Palin’s chirpy, chatty speaking style
c. Rod Blagojevich’s hair
d. Bill Clinton’s libido
10. If elected, what would be your first question to staffers on your first day at work?
a. Where is my office, so I can begin work immediately?
b. Does my office TV get cable?
c. Does Pizza Hut deliver to the chamber floor?
d. Do I get interns?
Nick Thomas has written for more than 180 magazines and newspapers, including the Washington Post, LA Times, Chicago Tribune, Boston Globe, San Francisco Chronicle, and Christian Science Monitor. He can be reached at alongtheselines@gmx.com.
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