The Princess and the Frog it is not. The Pepsi and the Frog it is. When my dear friend and editor, Emily-Sarah, told me today that a man had found a frog in his can of Pepsi, I thought to myself, "This ain't right. Emily-Sarah must have been the one to put something WEIRD in her own Pepsi to dream this up." But it's true. I just now Googled it and CNN says this story is five hours old.

The poor guy in Florida who discovered this disgusting blob was outside grilling inside his Tiki bar, minding his own business, getting ready for a great meal--something other than FROG LEGS I'm sure. His wife says he took a big gulp out of the contaminated can and starting to gag. I guess so. They go on to say what came out of the carbonated cola looked like pink linguini followed by dark stuff. Gag me! Luckily, Mr. and Mrs. DeNegri were still coherent, cohesive and cognizant enough to do the smart thing: take a photo and call the FDA. I don't know about you but if this disaster had happened to me, I would've been gargling and drinking peroxide full strength hoping to kill any possible cooties. It makes me nauseous to even think about purging the possible fungi, bacteria and pure tee slime out of my system. And yet, sure 'nuff, the FDA confirmed that frog parts were inside the can.

This is where the story gets really interesting: The folks at Pepsi are not commenting as to a) whether or not they may possibly be at fault or b) whether or not they may possibly even care. I'm sure they are having their legal analysts come up with an oxymoronic double entendre speech that will leave us all, uh, speechless. It's a shame they can't send the DeNegris some flowers or balloons; or at the very least a gift certificate for a free stomach pumping at the local hospital.

What it will now cost Pepsi--because yes, Virginia, the DeNegris are wanting Pepsi to "fess up and compensate"--is unclear. Though I never found a frog in a can of cola, an interesting thing did happen to me once:

A beverage company whom I shall not name because they asked me not to, had a similar faux pas involving me, the consumer, though no animal, vegetable or miracle parts were found inside my can. Instead hub-Russ and I discovered that mixed within our twelve pack cans of dark colas was one clear cola. When I called the company to chat this one up, they were very hush-hush, whispering on the phone. The receptionist wanted to know where I bought the drinks, the numbers on the side of the can and if I'd ever been in a UFO. Not really. But she did make me feel about that dumb. She then put me on hold for a full five minutes and offered to send me a coupon for some more drinks. "Just like the ones I now have?" I asked. She did not answer.

I went on to tell her I was a humorist that writes books. Oh, how proud I was of myself at that moment! Just to think that I would grab the nation's attention, bring some much needed exposure to my book sales and make a million (or more? dare I hope?) people laugh was awesome! The legal beagle listened intently, apparently not seeing the humor in all of this. I even gave her my "think out loud" version of the story, waiting for her to suddenly drop the phone, coil up her body and choke out loud from laughter.

Instead, she advised me pointedly and sternly that my idea was not a good one. I questioned her, why not. She ignored me and instead said that she'd have someone in the company call me to further clarify their position. I was shocked by this. All I was saying was that Conveyer Belt 1 must have gotten tangled up with Conveyer Belt 2 and in the course of this little tango, one clear drink got mixed in with eleven other dark drinks.

Apparently, they didn't see it that way. The phone rung and a supervisor of some sort said something terse, like, "Ma'am, we do not want you to write this column." When I asked her why not, she said, "You know how people can be. Someone might take the story out of context. It could hurt our image." Do what?

Here's a news flash: If my little old innocent and yes, truly funny story could've hurt a mammoth corporation's image then, just think what this whole big, bad ball of wax is going to do now. Stay tuned because this story will probably be continued. And something tells me the DeNegris are not going to keep quiet.

Ann Ipock "Life Is Short, So Read This Fast!" amipock@ec.rr.com www.annipock.com