John Brock: Sloppy toilet users
Generic toilets just don't suit this southern gentleman!
Women should not have to use the same toilets with men. Men are sloppy users. I should know. I am a man.
Many of us don't lift the lid (or lower it) and we throw toilet paper and towels all over the wet floor. If I were a woman I would rebel against any establishment that forced me to use a restroom frequented by men. But, I find more and more establishments adopting generic toilets, especially those stylish little bistros. And, of course, the airlines have had co-ed toilets for years.
I practice what I preach. My wife and I have built several homes and during the process, we have always remembered Doris Day's admonition, "The secret to a happy marriage is having his and her bathrooms." We have sacrificed other amenities in order to have separate facilities and, so far, it's working.
I will never forget years ago in a men's room at a restaurant a sign posted over the male "facility" said, "We aim to please -- you aim TOO, please." Not many did from what the evidence showed.
When I was a college professor, I once started a survey of how many men washed their hands after a visit to the toilet. I wasn't able to do an extensive survey because after standing in the men's room for almost an hour writing on a clipboard, I was getting uncomfortable because people were beginning to look at me with that what-are-you-doing-here look. I left before someone called the manager but not before discerning from my very limited pool of surveyees that only two out of ten men wash their hands before exiting the facility. Think about that the next time you shake some guy's hand or ask him to "pass the salt."
I don't like those cute signs that some establishments use to designate toilets. You know the ones I am talking about: "Buoys" and "Gulls," "Setters" and "Pointers." I want the signs to clearly designate: "Men" and "Women." I have made enough mistakes as it is without the issue clouded by indistinct signage.
I will never forget several years ago I went into a Burger King and I just knew the men's room was on the right side. Isn't that where all fast food places locate the men's room? Apparently, not always. I should have known better when I didn't see that particular fixture always found hanging on the wall in men's rooms. But, no, I gave the establishment the benefit of the doubt and concluded they had used a left-handed architect. I was just finishing up and turning to walk from the stall when a woman walked through the door. As she did, she displayed plainly the sign on the door, which read, to my dismay, "Women!" I could have crawled under the sink but bless her heart, she said, "I won't tell anyone if you won't." I made a rapid retreat but I never did learn the gender of that sneakers-wearer sitting in the adjacent stall. I just know they kept very still during the whole episode.
My first encounter with male/female toilets came years ago in France. I will have to admit that it was a little uncomfortable waiting in line with women to use the "one-holer" in the restaurant where my wife and I were dining. The French, of course, thought nothing of it. I was a little relieved that I spoke virtually no French and the women in front and back of me spoke no English. What do you talk about anyway while waiting in line to go into a public toilet?
Later in France, I walked into a designated "Men's Room" only to be confronted by a female attendant passing out towels to the male clients after they completed the task for which they came. If they had been Americans only two out of ten had a use for a towel. I'm sorry, but I just had to turn around and walk out. Bashful kidneys, you know.
During my lifetime, I have had to adjust to many outcomes of the feminist movement, but I'm sorry, I am just not ready to share the toilet with the opposite sex.
And, if women knew what I do about men's habits, I doubt they would be ready for it either.
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While John Brock is on a one-month sabbatical, previous columns from years past are being reprinted.