Ann Ipock: Who, or exactly what, constitutes a Senior Citizen?
By Ann Ipock
Well, it's official. I AM a senior citizen. I've often wondered what the cut off age is, or should I say, the "legal age," (kind of like the reverse of turning 21).
Well I got my answer today from an arbitrary newspaper ad for a local department store.
It read, "Today is Senior Citizens' Day. If you're 55 and over, present this coupon and receive an extra 20% off red dot and clearance."
Well, okay, I qualify age-wise by one year; but I'm feeling both sad and glad. This same ad also has an asterisk beside the word 'over' with a footnote at the end.
It reads "Valid ID required." Well, I guess that's a good idea since I know many folks in the 55+ age bracket whose age you'd never believe without seeing an I.D. Then again, I know others who are way under age 55 who look years and years older.
There's a part of me that wants that discount, that looks forward to more senior discounts, that revels in the fact that "I've arrived;" and yet, there's a part of me that doesn't.
Sure the savings would be great, but does this mean I will now change, making me feel older-ish and do many of the things my Grandma Julia did?
For instance, sitting around in a house coat and comfy shoes resembling Birkenstocks but weren't, crocheting in her rocker, or else standing at the stove for hours, fixing biscuits, fried chicken and collards?
No! Not that that's a bad thing, but it seems a little, shall I say dull for me?
Remember back when you HOPED you would be carded when buying a drink?
That you would be mistaken for being so much younger? Like the time I was about 32 and the bartender asked to see my I.D. before he would serve me a bloody Mary? Okay, that was a long time ago, but still.
Here's the thing: I sort of want to just walk in that store, pick out something on sale (not house coats, but stylish coat dresses, maybe) and see if the clerk at the register says, "Ma'am, are you eligible for the Senior Citizen discount?"
If she does, I'll probably laugh and cry. Laugh because I'll be giddy for the extra 20% (heaven knows we need all the help we can get in this pitiful economy); and cry because she'll be reenforcing that indeed I do look over 55.
Who amongst us wouldn't like to look, say 5 or 10 years younger? There used to be a T.V. show where they ask the woman to stand inside a clear phone booth-looking thing on a MAJOR avenue (was it 5th Ave?) in New York City. Folks walk by and guess her age.
Let's say she is 43, but most of them guess 48 or 53, even.
Then they bring her back to a studio where they magically change her as only New York can: New hair and make up, stylish clothes, new height and weight (just kidding.
They WISH they could do that). Voila! She is then told she looks soooooooo many years younger.
Here's another scenario: There's a part of me that hopes the clerk at this wonderful department store--truly, they are one of my faves in the whole world--won't say a word, but I will. "I'm a senior citizen," I'll offer voluntarily.
Then I hope she will say, "You're kidding, right?! I can't believe it. Why, if you were standing inside a see- through booth on 5th Avenue in New York City I would guess you were 46--but NEVER 56!"
I hope at that point she'll coddle me a little longer and say, "Okay. I'll go along with your silly game and give you the discount; but we both know (wink, wink) that you're lying, sweetie." That wouldn't be a bad scenario.
There's also a part of me that hopes she won't say before I've even laid my granny panties on the counter, "Trust me ma'am, I am POSITIVE you qualify for the Senior Citizen discount, but I still must verify this by seeing your I.D."
Then I'll grudgingly pull out the ole driver's license and tease her, placing my hand over the date of birth. I'll smile and she'll frown, saying. "Move it, sister!" Next, she'll say, "Oh! You were born in '52? Wow!
I was thinking you and my grandmother were about the same age.
She was born in '32." Oh gosh, could I possibly stand the humiliation?
Bless my heart--my poor insecure ego and hurt feelings would just be too much.
To make matters worse, she might say, "Well, you might be interested in knowing that our number #1 cosmetic line is doing free facials today. Oh!
But I'm sorry; the Senior Citizen discount won't apply to those purchases."
I would just stand there, staring and not moving as I gained my composure. Finally she would say, "Ma'am are you alright?"
At that moment, I'd simply throw the panties at her sweet, young, under-55-year-old self and walk out the door saying, "Hooray! I am so having a NON senior moment!"
Ann Ipock "Life Is Short, So Read This Fast!" amipock@ec.rr.com amipock@en.rr.com