Our family just experienced its third Morris (my maiden name) wedding this past weekend. In other words, my parents now have three out of seven grandchildren "hitched" or, rather "chained," as hub-Russ puts it.

I've come to love these family affairs which resemble holidays or family reunions in enjoyment. The announcement is made, the excitement builds, invitations are sent, wedding gifts are selected and showers and luncheons are attended. It's also like Chinese cooking: It takes a ton of preparation, but then the event is over so quickly.

The difference between this event and other family affairs is a tighter (carefully planned) schedule ensues, i.e., bridesmaids luncheon, rehearsal dinner, wedding and reception. And lots of great food is served, but none of us have to cook. Hooray! Plus we all get to play dress up, except it's for real!

With long drives, plane rides and motel check-ins, it's amazing that no one got left "home alone" with this recent wedding. And with a bridal party this large (ten bridesmaids and nine groomsmen--one had to bow out at the last minute), it's amazing that no dresses or tuxes got lost in transit or didn't fit.

Still, a few bloopers come to mind and I'll recreate as many as I can remember. The day of the wedding, the men played golf. It's kind of a family tradition for us. And though Eric, the groom, is a hunter, the severely restricted hours circumvented that.

The women had manicures, a gift from the bride, Lindsay, the day before. But on the wedding day, nearly everyone had their hair "done" including our daughter Katie (a bridesmaid) me and my sister, Nancy, Lindsay's mother. Slight confusion began when Lindsay realized she forgot her veil, so Jennifer, a bridesmaid, volunteered to pick it up.

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Lindsay and Kathryn (maid of honor) were the last to get their hair done; then they headed to the mall for the make-up application. As it turned out, both Lindsay and Kathryn were not happy with her hair--so Kathryn literally begged a mobile stylist in the mall to come fix Lindsay's hair and she did. I can just imagine the frenzied confusion! I won't say Bridezilla, but I might be thinking it. But of course all of this took TIME. Speaking of which, Lindsay and Kathryn arrived at the church, completing the bridal party an hour and a half AFTER everyone else. And as luck would have it, a wedding guest that's a hairstylist volunteered to redo Kathryn's hair in the bridal room. This was only minutes before the ceremony again. First and second blooper.

The usher (my nephew, Huck, and Lindsay's brother) seated us one row too far back (my mistake) and I insisted that we move one row up. After my prodding and pouting, Russell finally gave in, but it took a while to convince him. Therefore, the church was nearly full; but here we go: five of us trying to move quietly and quickly. It wasn't easy: Me, Russell, a friend of Katie's, my brother, Steve and his wife, Lori. Whew! Finally, we did it. Third blooper.

Next came the flower girls, our precious grandchildren, Madison, age 8 and Carly, age 4. We were worried they'd try to sit down too early. Instead, they stood there so sweetly, amazed at the smiling faces and standing very still, for a very, very long time. Finally, someone motioned for them to indeed, "sit down." Fourth blooper.

Then Nancy was seated. I'm glad she sat next to my parents as well as her in laws. It's awful lonely being parents of the bride sitting on one pew all alone. I know. We did that once. But it all happened so fast, my dad only slid down a few inches. So Nancy

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motioned, waving her hands, "further, please," Remember, her 6'4" hulking husband, Keith, would be joining her soon. Fifth blooper.

The beautiful bride came down the aisle, emotional and teary eyed but very happy, walking arm-in-arm with her dad. With the congregation seated, the minister began. But he forgot to say, "Who gives the bride away?" And so, eventually Keith just kind of stepped back slowly and then seated himself. I heard that this question was indeed practiced at the rehearsal. Sixth blooper.

When the minister began, he moved quickly to this part, "And now we will hear Scripture." But nothing happened. No one moved. The minister stood there, anticipating. It seemed like an eternity. At last: Kelly, our daughter (and mother of Madison and Carly) gasped, stood, shuffled sideways and nearly tripped over some folks, but finally appeared at the lectern. Half way through the reading, perhaps while finding her place, Kelly uttered a single "Okay." Seventh blooper.

When the time came for Lindsay and Eric to light the unity candle (which had been practiced carefully at the rehearsal), Eric's wick wouldn't rise up when he pushed the lever. Luckily, Lindsay picked up on this and shared hers. No one knew the difference except for the bridal party. Eighth blooper.

Finally, when the wedding was over and the couple were announced as "Mr. and Mrs..." the bride and groom descended down the aisle to loud applause and happy cheers. As is the norm, the groomsmen came back to escort family out properly. But Keith wasn't moving. The director, Polly, told Nancy that Keith hadn't moved. So she ordered Huck, "Go get your dad." Ninth blooper.

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Because no wedding is perfect and because I believe a little laughter can help diffuse anxious nerves, I'd love to hear your wedding bloopers. Maybe I'll even have enough to write a column.

And to Lindsay and Eric: Seriously, y'all, congratulations! We love you and wish God's blessings upon you both!

vvv

Ann Ipock, "Life Is Short, So Read This Fast!" amipock@ec.rr.com www.annipock.com.