One morning last week, like most mornings, I fired my computer up to read the paper.

 A lot of us do that now, we're able to cut threw all the stuff that's just seems to be repeated over and over on those news shows.

 You know like health care, jobs and the economy. We need all that, don't get me wrong, but after hearing the fifth or sixth person give us his or her opinion, let's face it, it does get a little boring.

Maybe boring isn't the best word, but when a guy, who doesn't even look old enough to shave, much less vote, gets on there, and tells me how I'm supposed to think about this or that, I got to admit, I tune them out.

 Get a few calluses, a few scars, maybe a few gray hairs, something to let me know the hardest decision in your life wasn't what hair color you needed, so that you looked old enough to be taken seriously.

So needless to say, last week, after reading just enough to keep up with what's going on, something caught my eye, and I hit the brakes.

 There it was, in big letters, “Wife hits husband in head with hammer.” Oh, this is gonna be good!

 I couldn't help myself. Seems like some guy’s wife told him to close his eyes, sit down and put this hood on, and she would give him a “Big Surprise.”

 And that's what he did, and that's when she gave it to him.

 Nailed him right in the head with a hammer. Maybe nailed isn't the right word.

 He survived, and she went to jail, but if he ever get's married again, I doubt if he'll ever look at a pillowcase the same ever again.

If it wasn't so serious, you've got to admit, it would be funny — oh heck, your laughing probably as hard as I was.

After reading that one, I got to looking around, and you'd be surprised at what goes on around the world, but then again, after what goes on just around Washington, probably not.

 That's like at Kennedy Airport, up in New York, the FFA, is checking in to whether a kid was directing air traffic for a while.

You heard me right, at one of the busiest airports in the world, they've got a recording of some young'in giving commands to the airplanes getting ready to take off.

 Of course, with the pilots getting lost now, and some of them getting taken off the planes because they’re drunk, maybe a young'in wouldn't be too bad of a idea — at least maybe they'd be sober. Unless they’re putting more in their juice boxes these days that we don't know about.

Then there's this guy, who — I'll be honest with you didn't have a BAD idea — but ... yeah, it was.

 Seems like he took his dog for a walk the other day, but he didn't feel like walking. So he just decided to get in his car, hold his arm out the window with the leash, and let his dog walk along the side, as he drove down the road.

 He wasn't speeding ya'll, don't get the wrong idea, he just didn't feel like walking. Course if that had been me and Doc, he would have just sat there, till I let him get in so he could drive.

 He's funny that way, anything I do, he feels he has to do.

Speaking of dogs, another instance of man's best friend, seems like there was this guy who decided it was best if the law didn't know where he was at.

 The only problem was, he forgot to tell his Jack Russell Terrier. When the cops came in his house, there was the dog, standing in front of the cabinet the guy was hiding in, barking, and wagging his tail, like he was saying , “Let me in, let me in, I want to play too.”

Speaking of dumb, one guy in Germany didn't see that commercial about your brain on drugs, remember the one about the guy with the egg.

 Well, it seems like this guy walks out of some juke joint, lays his cocaine or whatever it was, out on the hood of a police car, and starts sucking that stuff up his nose. You did catch the part about the POLICE CAR didn't you.

I bet that just ruined his buzz when he seen the cops smiling faces.

In Latvia, a few countries over, they do have a “No Alcohol Day” the first day of school, that does stop first graders from stopping off for that before school six pack, which I thought was mighty interesting.

In France, they’re wanting to put up crossing for frogs. That's right, “Caution ... Frogs Crossing.”

 We ought to do that over here, course the possums would get mad, then the turtles, the raccoons, the next thing you know the skeeters would be starting a union for equal rights, and we would only be able to gas them on every other Tuesday.

 It would get confusing.

In Verona, wherever that is, did you know now you can buy a gold casket, with a optional cell phone installed?

That ought to come in handy. Especially if you wife's comes around the corner with a pillowcase and a claw hammer in her hand, and she tells you,

“Honey Bunch ... close your eyes, and I'll give you a big surprise.”