Erin Spatz: Who is supposed to refill my tank?
Published Tuesday, September 25, 2012
I am having one of those days! And what’s worse, is that days like these seem to be coming with greater frequency.
All of the “plans” I attempt to make fall through. I can’t make anyone happy, not even myself. As I am typing this, one kid is screaming at the other to leave him alone. Another one is crying because the dog ate her goldfish. Kid number three is getting angry that commercials keep interrupting the show they are watching. Oh, and last but not least, number four wants me to walk her to the bathroom, which I can actually see from where I am sitting. Oh wait, now she is on the floor kicking because I won’t walk her to said potty.
There is more to do in one day than any one person can do and yet I keep expecting myself to be able to do it. Pack lunches, do laundry, dishes, kid’s after school activities, working, house cleaning and dinners to plan. The list seems endless and overwhelming. It often feels like 95% of what I am doing is not at all for me.
I love my family and love doing things for them, but while I pour out myself for others, who pours out for me? Who is supposed to refill my tank?
I also want to throw a giant temper tantrum on days like today. Everyone else around me gets to! Apparently famous people get to.
The more calmly I speak, the meaner the people around me get. What’s up with that? I am pretty sure “my happy place” is locked and one of the kids lost the key.
Soon, the giant big girl pity party will end, and life will continue, but in this moment I am frustrated. And I choose to believe that it’s okay to admit that. I cannot get it all done.
I am not perfect. I often make mistakes. And today I do not have all the answers. But, I am happily a work in progress. I am well loved. I get to love my kids and husband with every breath. And, lucky for me the endless list will NOT be going any where anytime soon.