Erin Spatz: ‘I don’t want to smell stinky dog breath for all of eternity’
All kids, around the age of five ... wait, scratch that.
All kids are different. Start over.
All of my kids around the age of five started to discuss death, heaven, and how old you need to be to die.
When Dylan started this, I called my mom in a panic. I was convinced that Dylan was having some sort of premonition of my impending death.
And for someone who has a panic disorder this did not sit well.
He kept talking about how fun heaven would be and how he couldn’t wait until I got there.
To say it scared me would be an understatement.
My mom, having raised four wonderful children of her own, said not to worry and that all kids start talking about it at five.
Autumn and Denver talked about death at age five as well.
They mostly asked questions like “how old are you when you die?” and “do you know what heaven looks like?” Simple and technical questions.
And now we are onto our last (almost) five- year-old. She has started talking about heaven and death.
She mostly leaves the death part out, which I as her mother appreciate. I can only think of one other topic that I wish to avoid with my children ...
She wishes to only discuss who gets into heaven and who doesn’t.
And just a warning, she is not ready to teach Theology 101, since she believes the Holy Spirit is also a beach princess.
First she tells me that she is excited because heaven has a really big front yard and that she can’t wait to play in it. This thought came from a song she learned at school and caused me to say “Awe, honey that’s sweet. It will be fun.”
Then, she tells me that dogs will not be allowed. Woah! Now I am no theology professor and I am not about to argue, but I kind of want our dog Vinnie in heaven.
So I asked her why dogs can’t go, since heaven has such a big yard?
She sighed a huge sigh and said “Fine, they can go, but they only get a tiny corner with a fence.”
I asked her why, if the yard was so big, did they have to be fenced in?
She said without hesitation, “Because I don’t want to smell stinky dog breath for all of eternity.”
Well I can’t argue with that.
I tried to point out that everyone gets new bodies in heaven, so maybe dogs even get new breath.
She has agreed to let them in only if they get new breath.
And for some reason she thinks she gets to decide who gets in and who doesn’t. Maybe it’s as wishy washy as you’d expect a five-year-old to be.
When she is mad at you, you are not getting in.
Denver was bothering her and she told me that he had sin in his heart and he wasn’t getting in.
When I told her that is not how it works, that only Jesus can decide that, she wasn’t too happy, and said “Well, we will just have to see about that.”
Yes Chandler, we will all just have to wait and see who decides.
Chandler or Jesus...
Don’t tell her that my money is on Jesus or she might not let me in.
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